the elephant in the garden

When I was a girl God gave me a garden but I had no idea

How to plant seeds or care for a tender thing and was painfully

Unaware of the rocks lurking beneath the soil that would soon

Crack the plow and spook the horses as the endless longing

The desperate need was revealed and after barely a moment

I abandoned it that garden for something more

When I was barely a woman God gave me a second garden

Or maybe I took it without permission without asking

Out of fear of being alone and a deep desire for children

Two were born of that soil but those rocks which had begun

To surface and that endless longing drove me to look

For yet another garden someplace else

When I was a woman older now a mother God gave me

Another garden and a baby and it seemed to be all I ever

Longed for but I stumbled over now exposed rocks falling

Hard in the shadows of my creation I saw the soil was poisoned

And unsafe so I crawled away this time for safety

And in that darkness I found myself

Now I am a woman who is also a girl again and God has

 Graced me with an orchard full of his fruits divine love

Laughing boys and a knowing that the answer was never

In the rocks the soil or the longing but in the trees in the sky

In the depths of my own heart and in there I found everything

I needed and from that place I learned what it truly means to love